Sometimes it’s hard to look to the sky, mocking me with its intense, beautiful colours and calmness of the clouds. It’s just so peaceful, untouchable. To think that in a blink of an eye it can change, the clouds start to shift and the sky goes dark, the air feels toxic while your body feels cold and darkness brings in so much fear and uncertainty.

Looking at my life the past few months, my mind has been like the dark sky; incredibly unsafe and extremely dark, my body has been feeling cold and weak, I’ve lost quite a bit of weight due to my anxiety and the anti depressants I am on. When I first had mental health issues I looked to food as something to fill my mental emptiness. Recently I have not been able to finish a full meal, in fact I just feel Ill after a couple of bites; it’s scary to think something that you look to for comfort is something that is slowly making you more unhealthy. 

I made the difficult decision to leave work for a couple of weeks, to give me time to adjust to this medication and where my mind has been taking me, I know now that what I was thinking was not normal, not healthy. To look closer into the abyss is a terrifying ordeal when you don’t know where you will land. I took this time to rest, write, create. Pour my heart into things that I enjoy doing and that I’m passionate about. I have dreams, I have goals in life, things take time and I need to start seeing that. 

I look forward to the day I can walk outside and embrace the sky, feel the sunlight warm my skin, the fresh air filling my lungs and take in the beauty of the mysterious clouds. Although my mind right now still has it’s dark clouds and musty air, I know that this won’t last forever and I need to keep going in order to move forward, to walk through the clouds. 

You Are Enough 

•SAMARITANS• 

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