Back in January I got a tattoo that I love and admire so much, I lean and cry on it when I’m sad and look at it with pride when I’m at my happiest.

When I explain the story behind it, sounds pretty simple, met Troy Baker at MCM Glasgow (I think for the 4th time), this is an actor I love and admire greatly, not just for his talent as an actor but for his words of wisdom and just how lovely and genuine he is, I asked him to write something motivational on a postet note, he wrote those 3 words… Boom the story is over right? Well it’s not.

I have battled anxiety and depression for several years now, there are days when I can’t even face going outside or when I hate everything about myself. I carried that postet note in my jacket pocket everyday since I got it, I didn’t look at it all the time but I always knew it was there.

On the 14th of January, I hit my lowest point. When walking home from work, I was overthinking everything “No one likes you in there” “you know why no one likes you? Because you’re shit at your job” “you’re disgusting” “you’re worthless” the thoughts continued to spiral from there, it wasn’t until I got to a certain point in my walk where I was physically stopped, I had a flash of white light in my head, within that flash I saw an image of me cutting myself, it was so fast. The moment literally lasted seconds but it felt like an eternity, when the light stopped it was like it shot out of my body, I felt lightheaded and genuinely thought I was going to faint. At this point I couldn’t stop crying, the thoughts felt so true and my wrist was physically aching where I saw myself harming. By this point I just wanted it all to end, everything was so dark and I just wanted everything to end.

I was on my bus ride home and couldn’t stop crying, the thought kept playing in my mind and I was genuinely struggling to breathe. Getting off I was on a literal path of helping myself or not, if I went right I’d be doing to the direction of the doctors. But if I went left I would be on my way home, to a place of the unknown and possible self destruction. Luckily that day I chose right, I walked into my doctors office and remember sobbing to my receptionist saying, “if I don’t get help today I won’t be here tomorrow” While waiting I looked in my pocket for the note to find it wasn’t there.. I knew where it was but it wasn’t with me at the time, when I needed it most. I texted my mum and she was with me within minutes, holding me as I cried, shaking like a leaf and trying to find room to breathe.

I am so proud of myself for getting the help I needed. I went to my tattoo artist and asked to have those words on the note on my wrist where I saw myself harming. The funniest part of this was I told that receptionist If I don’t get help today I won’t be here tomorrow, that next day, I got my tattoo. It gave me a tomorrow, and for Troy to have written down those words that have helped me so much, for that I am eternally grateful. The tattoo is now a reminder that fought my demons, I can’t say I’ve won. I don’t think there will be a time soon when I think I’ve truly won this battle, but I’m healthy, I’m happily and I’m in a really good place right now.

I hope by sharing my story it will help others. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT: Speak to a friend, vent to your mum, write your feelings down, but whatever you do. DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. You will get through this, you are a fighter and YOU ARE ENOUGH❤️